Non-romantic Special Person

How can I describe these people?
As stars twinkling brightly in the night sky?
As rays of sunshine enlightening the beginning of a great day?
Or as the breath-taking fireworks display made every New Years eve?
These description are still not enough to explain how these people can change someone’s viewpoint from “I want to give up. My life is a mess.” to “I want to live this life. There’s still hope.”
All the smiles
And tears (of joy),
Thanks to these guys,
there’s always a key to any door.

Love, Yaning


Jogging Routine

Fear of the unknown
      has kept me from moving on

Do I need to take another step?
      Though my feet are enjoying their stay
      Seems like it’s interconnected to the ground
      It built quite an irremovable attachment
      as if it’ll hurt and break if forcibly pulled
Again, do I need to take another step?

Is there an inevitability to leave this track?
      The view was quite familiar
      Tulips swaying from right to left
      Dandelions flying through the air carried by
      a refreshing lemon-scented breeze
      The perfect angle of the sunlight
      beaming a soothing fuzz effect
One more time, is there an inevitability to leave this track?

The shoes I'm wearing is comfortable
It gave me warmth and protection
      From the dirty grass
      From the sharp stones
      From the rough pavement
It’s been a lot; the old weary shoes
      at the verge of getting replaced;
      but it was comfortable and feels
      just like home
Tell me now, do I need to replace it?

Fear of the unknown, no
      Fear of abandoning what’s known
      that’s what kept me from moving on.

All About Me into You

Loving is not as easy as you think
But when I see you, I promise
my eyes won’t even blink
Honestly everyday I want to talk to you
yet I get scared
and ended up stalking you.

Please don’t make things suspicious
I’m telling you, it’s not nice
to see me being jealous
I hope you know what I can do
I can start a third world war
for I cherish the idea of us two.

You were told that “I hate you”
It’s fine if you believed them
‘Cause I know what’s true
There’s only one thing I’d say
to have these lies go away
Gosh, when I say “I like you”
I mean it, I really do.

© Biel Mikaela Torres

Up until then…

A lot of people misunderstand the concept of knowing their self-identity. Some would likely deny the fact that most have a bit of understanding on their personality. Well, it’s not a rare issue that would bug the universe. Humans undergo life confusing processes in order to see their worth. “Why am I here?” and “What is the purpose of giving me life?” probably are questions commonly asked by people entailed with perplexed ideas. The world is chaotic, and everyone’s a mess. They may find themselves trapped, unable to see the trail of their envisioned path.

Just like everyone else, probably, I am person who’s eager to seek the remaining pieces of the puzzle. In this circle of uncertainty, I find myself bewildered to unusual things. For the past few years, I turned a blind eye on things that were far from my interest. I would just ignore those I called “fools” for wasting such opportunity many people are dying to reach. But on some point, a random person asked me what were my ambition and plans for the future, and I couldn’t drop any words. That person hit me right on the spot.  I have no idea what I want to do with this life. Yes, I have goals well enough for a few years but will that be enough? Did I prepare for something worth achieving on imminent years? None, I suppose. Wasting those chances led me to rethink on my oblivious doings. Why did I let other people dictate those decisions wherein I should be the one choosing what is and what is not? Moreover, I was destined to be in this world not as a robot but as a free individual enjoying things from my very own point of view.

Yet, there are still numerous obstacles to face. Looking for something that is limited by time challenges a person’s strength and determination. The previous me might have never bothered stressing on what her future life would look. If there came a problem, I would only cry for the rest of the day and ridiculously wait for answers. Crying was my only solution whenever life is treating me unfairly. That habit only resulted in a more complex situation where people perceive me acting immature like an annoying kid. Their kind approach got overturned until they didn’t bother anymore.  Those fragile feelings of mine was taken for granted that led to pathetic trust issues. I excluded all the people in entering the deeper part of my mind. Never again, I thought, that I would carelessly let people see through me. There appeared walls between myself and the people. I became oversensitive, unsociable, and introverted. What I regret most is that I became accustomed in playing as another person’s shadow. I feared the spotlight more than anything. But when I came back to my senses, I’ve recognize that I can see, hear, and walk as my own person dragging me away from the depths of isolation. Those blurry features turned out to be a variety clues to continue my searching spree.

We are incapable on the full comprehension behind this utmost mystery. In a blink of an eye, things you cherish most will undoubtedly disappear. But even if those things are gone, the journey should carry on for it contains the purpose of living. This existence, considered well or bad, may draw closer to its due. Personally, I’m still nowhere near on uncovering those answers. Right now, I just want to explore the beauty of this God-given gift. Dying without any regrets is the best way of appreciating life worth a shot.

One Missed Call

The phone keeps singing
When will it stop?
Stopped by voices
Answered right away

She was all alone
Inside a dark room
Suffocated by that cold air
1st ring...
2nd ring...
3rd ring...
No one responded
It was only a woman's monotonous voice
"The caller can't be reached,
Please try again later" 

Never mind, she said
There's many more to call
Scroll up, scroll down
Again she found someone's phone
This time was lucky
On the second ring...
"Hello" with a smiled reply
"What is it? I'm busy."
"Nothing much. Bye"
The call was over.

Tears formed within her soul
Eyes full of sorrow
Yet, she wiped them off
Hope is still on the run
Calling the last number
Tap. Tap. Tap
She began to hum the tone
The call was dropped
By a heartbreaking song
Looking at the dull screen
She knew she was rejected
More or less avoided.

She wanted to converse
Whose voice can give comfort
Whose words she can hold on
But failure comes 
Mistaken as petty call
Despair drifts in her veins
Death perhaps' on Menu
Nobody knows what's next
Call of fate
How should they answer?

Trial and Error

Could’ve pictured it perfectly
But the photograph faded
Long before it was even taken

Could’ve painted it beautifully
But the paint lost its spectrum
Like flowers do in autumn

Could’ve reached the top of the mountain
But took a deep fall
Long before I even take a climb

I could have been happy,
Or so it seems
Tried to smile away the pain
Tried to wipe away the tears
Tried to fix what was broken
At least I did, even though I failed

At least I tried.

-Luiz C. Liwanag

Streetlight Shadow

I remembered that night
The sky was dim
Car lights lit up
Roads unseen of darkness

We were talking
Walking down the sidewalks
It was a rowdy place
But I can only hear
Your voice so elegant
So alluring

There, I stopped
Stood still, frozen
Something caught my sight
It was you, staring at me
Your eyes full of happiness
And I'm not the reason behind it

She was your everything
I can feel it
All of her, you've been wanting
Her smile, her eyes
And it tears me apart

Why her? I ask myself
We've known each other for years
I know everything she don't
Why hope for her love? 
When there's me, I'm here

But what can I expect?
I'm only a friend
A friend who wipes your tears
The one cheering you up
Your temporary support
One who's always looking
Caring for you all these years

Let go, get up
I'm the only one holding
In this black painted pole
It's my turn facing reality
Nothing of us changes
Till the end of time.

A Lock’s Journey

A key to one's heart
It maybe one or more
None can also fit
For it doesn't exist
Not yet

Time was consumed
in finding his key
Searches made for days
has come to years

And one gets a chance
in opening love's lock
His hands feels cold
Uncertain to match a hole

How long is to find
the rightful key
Of another side
If there is none
What will you do?

She who's beside you
Does not hold a key
But you felt something
With her, there's happiness
The search has to end

In days time
You felt whole
It was not the key
For the lock has no hole
It was missing a piece

And that piece was
inside her pocket
Been there for years
It was the only thing
needed, in his lock
For it to open
It just needed
to be whole

The key of one's heart
Finds it's gap to fill
But other hearts, it's lock
It will not need a key
The match has in hand
a thing much more
Kept inside the pocket
For a year or so

Misery’s Graffiti

My life's a full disaster
Shitty moments everywhere
"It's okay. I'm fine"
How long will this keep up?
I suck at crying
Whispering, wishing 
Can someone help me
Free me from my leash
"I want to give up!" 
My mind's had enough
Please stop this dilemma
Or else I'm gonna pop
I gave all my love
There's nothing to use
The door must be closed
No one can enter that room.
Soon, it shall open again
For those able to see
Feel my pain, my agony
Stupid. You're trapped with me